I am sitting at my desk writting this after what I feel was a rough week for everyone. I am at a lost for words, but I will try my best to find them and articulate them to make sure that my point is coming across correctly.
Disappointment is not how I would describe the feeling that has settled in my heart. On the morning of November 6th, I woke up feeling dejavu, from 2016. I was 12, in the worst period of my life, and seeing that man, who mirrored the object of my worst nightmares, being able to become president almost made me loose hope in living. Now, years later, I am seeing it happen again. I am now seeing confirmation that even though I was one of the few who were able to get justice, one of the few who are able to say that their abuser is in FEDERAL prison and is a convicted felon, I have come to realize that it means nothing. This is barely a dent in that mans life. And I was horribly reminded of it. The fact that the country I live in, the people I walk by, and the people who told me that they would kill for me, voted for someone just like him. And there is nothing I can do about it.
I decided that I was allowed to grieve, to feel what I needed to feel. I skipped school, letting my professors know that I would not be present, and I grieved. I cried all I needed to. I cleaned and reorganized my room, because that felt like the only thing I had control over. And I redid it. And again. And again. And I cried. And again. And again. And again. Knowing that America hates women that much. Knowing that the people you live with refuse to listen, to hear you. To see you as more than less. And I cried. Over and over again.
But, the day finally ended, and I woke up the next moring. I no longer felt grief, but rage. At the world, at my generation, at those around me, and at myself. At the audacity of this man running again. I had new purpose, I had a new reason to keep going. I started with talking to my friends, asking all of them how they felt, asking if they were safe. We let it all out, we all agreed to stay strong, together, we all agreed no more men. Because this country has chosen to make dating a man a risk to our lives in more than one way than one. And we began to strategize. To discuss how we can keep ourselves and others safe. Because this is the world the country decided it wanted.
What truely frustrates me, what makes my blood boil, is the lack of disscusion between both sides. No one wants to hear the other’s side, the logic behind the decisions. I had a talk with my cousin last night, asking why he felt so strongly about Trump being the best choice. And after he explained that the economy is what was most important, and how he hated seeing us suffer financily. I tried explaining that Trump will decimate the economy, trying to explain to him what tariffs actually are, he refused to listen. He was hearing the sounds that were coming out of my mouth, but he was not hearing me, he was not hearing my words, which were coming from my soul. I have never felt so defeated. And in the same breath, I sighed, and asked him to help me look for a gun to buy. Because that is the world that he has created for me.
I want you to know, you are not alone. I am here, you can always use this site as a safe space. Know that if you voted for the orange felon, you are not welcome here. This is a safe space for women and their allies, this is my safe space that I have made with my heart and soul for them. I will never stop fighting. In the coming days, I will be making a resource page, which will include resources for protest, resources for health care, and educational resourses for current political issues. I will do my part as a citizian of this country to correct the collective mistake it made. I have seen some movements from women to show that we are “one of the good ones.”, and while well intentioned, don’t mean anything beyond performance. What will make these movements meaningful, would be the action behind them. This is part of my action, this is part of my new story. If protesting is not your cup of tea, going out and listen and learn from your community, volunteering, doing good is action enough. Being a good person is enough. But don’t expect a gold star for it. It’s the bare minimum. It’s what everyone, not just you or me should be doing. We have power in numbers, and we need to show the world that we are strong, and will not be silenced. Take the time to feel what you need to feel. Cry, scream, and be angry. Then, use that energy to do good for your local community and for the people around you. I will do my best, please do yours. I will be updating more frequently hopefully, and will try to be more positive in the coming days.
Please take care of yourself.
With love in her heart,
Yuma